Feyisayo

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Archive for the month “August, 2015”

It’s Worth a Fall!

forget_the_risk,-65878The illustrious quote by Janet Fitch – “The Phoenix must burn to emerge” surely enlightens the memoir of the bird but what it also exhibits is the crux of a successful human life. One can never enjoy the taste of success without digesting the bitter failure. Whenever we fall from the stairs leading to our goal, we tend to curse it in frustration overlooking the added benefits. Yes you heard me right, benefits.

Giving us a juncture to reassess our planning as well as our efforts, failure drives us to our aim. Facing defeats molds a neoteric change in us giving us another chance to stand and gear up for the coming threat. It’s a universal fact that with failure comes experience which inspires us to achieve perfection in our further endeavors. Oprah Winfrey is a legendary example of this theory, born to a teenage mother having low financial stature she faced numerous hurdles and in spite of them she became the house hold name in America along with being the richest Afro American woman and a charismatic billion charismatic billionaire on her own. She was being fired by the producer referring her to be unfit for television, quiet an irony it seems now, talking about the women who made more than 4500 episodes of a single show making a mark on the globe. Apart from all the hard work, efforts and actions there must exist an inspiration, a constant urge to achieve what you dreamt of. Not only Oprah, there are many other fascinating and prosperous personalities who have risen beyond all snags. The man who defined and designed cartoons, Walt Disney, IT revolutionary Bill Gates and the great scientist Albert Einstein are only a few among many who paved their path to success drubbing all the negativities. The successful traits left by these personalities evidently teach us to fall again and again combating with a better reasoning and a stronger effort.

It takes a great courage to boost oneself after collapsing frequently but grit shown in such circumstances may award you with heaps of success resulting in stepping stones for your life. One of the greatest US Presidents, Abraham Lincoln’s life gives us the best example of grit, he failed on every front at first but with persistence and faith he kept moving towards his goal and the rest is history. Learning from mistakes, investigating reasons for previous miss, having an optimal way of thinking and accepting it as an opportunity to discover and grow can help in coping with the defeats and setbacks. Running away and being in illusions does nothing but delays the union of you and your success. We often have the feeling that we had disposed all of our efforts and attempts in the process, inspite of them also it ended as a defeat. But the problem is that those shots may not have been pointed in the right direction. Applying force does not always moves the object, applying it in the correct direction does. Compiling our strengths, keeping confidence and heading to start afresh is the key to touch the sky. Falling, failing and collapsing are the strong foundation on which a rock solid framework is build. Try and try until you succeed, after all what’s the fun in learning to ride a bicycle without hurting your knees!!!

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All Successful People Are Planners

SuccessEveryone knows that success in life is never just handed on a silver platter – it requires a combination of talent, hard work and planning for any person to call themselves successful.

Whether in life or business, there’s a thin line between failure and success. In fact, they generally go hand in hand – because a person doesn’t always succeed at the first go. He or she has to go through a series of failures before achieving success. Successful people are always on the hunt and aren’t afraid to take failure in their stride! So what do successful people do that others don’t?

Successful people don’t take things for granted – they ensure that they have a firm grip on every aspect of their life, so that they are in full control to direct the course of their life path.

They don’t sleep in every morning till 11 am – they wake up early and exercise to start their day on the right track. By getting a good head start, they ensure they are on the right path to achieving everything they set out to do.

Successful people eat healthy breakfasts – because they know how important it is to start their day properly with the most important meal of the day under their belt.

They plan efficiently to determine their course of action for the day, week or month – they create a scheduled routine and they rarely deviate from it.

They greet their team, employees and employers warmly, because they know that morale must be high for better productivity of their business workforce – and they know fully well that Monday mornings need that extra special attention to kick-start the week on the right track.

They have an infectious smile – that little extra effort goes a long way, because Mondays are the toughest even for rich and successful business leaders.

They track their progress so they know whether they are on the right track or not – and if not, they are not afraid to make alterations to move onto the path of success.

Successful people may not always have the right answer, but that doesn’t stop them from steaming forward. They take action when looking for the right solutions and answers in their lives.

They don’t lose confidence when they fail – they don’t stop what they have been doing. They pick up the pieces and move on, so that they can accomplish their goals without losing focus.

They are always committed to moving ahead because they know that success requires effort and they go the extra mile.

Acceptance and Change

ChangeHow often do you get to the point of saying… “I am fed up, I have had enough, I don’t want to do this any more?” But, whatever “it” is, say, binge watching TV or gulping down cookies, whatever it is for you… sometimes within five minutes, you tell yourself, “Okay, this is the last time and then I will never, never, never, I mean it, never… ”

Do you want to change? Really want to change? Or are you willing to settle for less than you deserve?

I mean… really, really, really? Why is it so difficult to exercise, to take more time for yourself? Why do you fill your hours with habitual behaviors that just waste time? You know you do this, and yet you are powerless to change.

Are you still “settling”??

For many years I struggled. Struggled to fit in. Struggled to make money. Struggled with various addictions. Even in recovery, I was stuck. Stuck in being “okay” when I wanted “fabulous.” Stuck in a marriage that didn’t fulfill me, or him. Stuck, settling, tolerating, rather than celebrating my life.

Now? Today I look forward with joy and hope to a glorious future. With a man I love, doing what I enjoy, making a positive difference in others’ lives. Healthy and free. Wow!

So, what did I do, and can you do it too? Absolutely.

These ideas are not new. People like you and me have been turning our lives around from overwhelm, even despair, using basic principles that work for everyone… but you do have to “work it.”

I call these principles “The Amethyst Way.” Why? In mythology, it was believed that amethysts protected from drunkenness and promoted clarity of thought. Whether drinking or not, many of our bad habits look like we are just not thinking clearly… i.e. spending money we do not have in the vague (and vain) hope that we will feel better. This is not sane or sober behavior. We are not thinking clearly. We need an Amethyst.

There are other reasons (my hair color for one) that make me a fan of purple gems. I’m not going to waste your time here with the other reasons for “Amethyst.” Later.

Not surprisingly, the acronym I use for the way I reinvented my life and myself is “A GEM” of a simple recipe for health and harmony, passion and purpose.

The “A” stands for acceptance. We’ve all heard, too many times to count, that “the first thing you need to do when you have a problem is admit that the problem exists.” Well, that sounds easy, doesn’t it? For many years before I quit drinking I would say to anyone who was bold enough to question my drinking, “I am an alcoholic, I know that. That’s the way I am.” I was certainly “admitting” my problem, but I was also giving myself permission to continue with a behavior that was killing me. Admitting may be a preliminary step, but does not lead to change, until there is acceptance.

So what is acceptance? Can I cop out here and say, “It’s easier to say what it is not?” No?

More importantly what do I mean when I say… “It is absolutely imperative that you accept where you are, if you want to move forward.” Oh, no! I don’t want to wallow in the discomfort of looking face-on at the things I tolerate or deny.

Don’t wallow. Just look at it. Maybe write it down. Writing things down is a powerful way to remove a lot of the emotion from anything that is bothering you. (For those of you for whom this makes sense… this is step 4.)

This doesn’t mean it’s right or fair. Whatever “it” is. But you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. “What you resist… persists.”

If you have ever struggled with “acceptance” and then had a breakthrough, and saw things exactly the way they were, you will understand acceptance. For me (and it has happened a few times), I felt as if I morphed through a transparent wall that then reformed behind me. On the other side of that wall everything looked exactly the same, but my understanding of it all was profoundly different.

Are you ready to trade in ordinariness for spectacular?

It takes courage to admit that you want big change but, really, what have you got to lose?

If you are one of those people who are saying… “I want different, I want to become the me I am meant to be and live with joy and purpose,” you are ready to explore “The Amethyst Way.”

The Blame We Hold, Holds Us Back

who-is-to-blame-1a1Have you ever experienced an event that was so hurtful that you despised another so much that you hated to even being around them?

This hurt shows up in our face and body giving off bad vibes. It is easiest to get into these power struggles because we are right and the other is wrong. It is our protection mechanism to keep us safe and in control.

I held anguish against others for taking from me what was mine for years feeling the hate for them. Every time we met, the memories of the hurt returned and the focus was not on the moment of meeting two minds but on that ONE event.

There were times when forgiveness felt like it was not an option. I could stay in the misery or open myself to forgiveness by deciding to understand what has led them to do what they did.

Have you every stepped back enough to ask maybe what has happened in their life that has made them act in such a way, and consider yourself fortunate that you have not had to walk in their shoes?

Those who are harmful through acts of appropriation or violation will find greater grief and that is why it is said; ‘If you go in search of revenge, first dig two graves.”

How can your expect others to forgive us, when we are unable to forgive others for their wrong. How can we respond in kind when others do things we do not like or agree.

Look into the mirror as any person or a thing that pushes our buttons in any shape becomes our teacher.

Which do you choose?

Forgiveness is powerful. Let it all go, the damage is theirs alone to deal with. Forgiveness is greater than attack and brings us closer to who we really are.

Remove these obstacles from your path and accept the healing and peace that forgiveness brings. Begin with forgiveness for the wrongs you have done to others. Do it because you are more loving than those who cannot. For if you can’t forgive yourself and others,, the hurt and loss of peace will remain, and how then how can you claim to be greater than you are if you cannot forgive other who have caused you hurt.

Be forgiving and expect everything! Open yourself to a gift far more powerful. This is a love not for power or gain, but a love that resonates with others. Heartfelt acceptance of others faults allows us to be more respectful of our disagreements. It gives people space to be who they are, just as we like to be given the space to be who we are.

Why Do I Attach To An Unavailable Person?

WaitingHave you found yourself repeatedly ‘falling in love’ with an unavailable person? Have you wondered why you keep doing this?

This is the question Wanda asked:

“What about our wounded self causes us to attach so fiercely to an unloving/unavailable person?”

There are two primary causes:

  1. If you were raised by an unavailable parent, then your wounded self might believe that if only you could find a way to have control over getting love from an unavailable person, THEN you would finally feel safe and loved. The wounded self might believe that only the love that comes from an unavailable person means anything. When love is not freely given by parents, then the child learns ways to try to have control over getting approval. Not only do they confuse this approval with real love, they believe they can earn love by doing things right. They don’t understand that love is always a free gift and cannot be earned or controlled. You cannot make an unloving person be loving. If you keep picking unloving, unavailable people under the illusion that you can control getting love, you will never find a loving relationship. When you are addicted to getting love, you can become fiercely attached to an unloving, unavailable person, trying desperately to do things ‘right’ in order to feel like you have control over getting love.
  1. The second cause is that YOU may also be unavailable. If you were truly available for a loving relationship, then you would likely attract a loving, available person. It’s quite possible that you are not being loving to yourself. Since we attract at our common level of self-abandonment or self-love, you will keep attracting an unloving person as long as you are unavailable due to abandoning yourself. In addition, as long as having control over getting love is more important to you than loving yourself and sharing your love with a partner, you will be stuck attracting unloving, unavailable people. As long as you believe that ONLY love from someone else is what will fill you and make you happy, you will continue to abandon yourself in various ways.

As long as you are not loving yourself, you will not likely be tuned in to people who are loving themselves. Many people have learned to say the right things, such as, “I want a permanent relationship,” or “I want to get married and have a family,” or “Open communication is very important to me.” But once in the relationship, they shut down, get angry, or it becomes apparent that they are self-absorbed and narcissistic.

The way out of continuing to attract unavailable and unloving people is to diligently practice Inner Bonding and learn to stay present in your body, be open to learning, learn from your feelings, learn to connect with your personal source of love and truth, and take loving action for yourself. Until you learn to fill yourself with love, you have no love to share and you will continue to believe that you need to have control over getting love from someone else.

As you learn to love yourself, you become far more tuned into the energy of real love. You can more readily FEEL when someone is coming from their heart, or when their words are hollow. There is an energy that emanates from people who are open and loving, and a very different energy that emanates from people who are closed, unloving and unavailable. You will be able to discern this energy when you are open and loving to yourself and others, and emotionally available, but not when you are abandoning yourself.

The more loving you are to yourself, the clearer your connection is with your spiritual Guidance, and your Guidance is infallible in discerning who is open and loving and who isn’t.

You will stop attracting and attaching to unloving, unavailable people when you practice Inner Bonding enough that you are consistently being loving to yourself.

Importance of Music in Our Lives!

musicThere are several people who believe that music makes people more human. Therefore, you will find music in every culture, society, community, etc. Musical instruments is one of the oldest man made equipment, ever found in our history.

If you compare music with reading and writing, you will find that musical equipment are far older than this. And still there are several communities among us, which are far away from reading and writing, but know how to play musical instruments or how to enjoy the music.

In a recent study, it was found by the researchers that music influences numerous parts of our mind profoundly. And in order to understand this, you need not to be a scientist. Even the smallest events in our lives have music in it, for example, singing a lullaby or singing a birthday song, you will understand yourself. What you feel when you hear them? What you think of while hearing it? The answer is you’ll be loaded with a wide range of recollections and sentiments when you hear these tunes, a lot more than just saying the words.

Music is the only thing which easily gets under your skin. It creates strong emotions as well as helps in building several deep memories. Music is a common language which anyone can understand easily. It can be used when no other language can be utilized.

Why we need to include music in our lives, why it’s so important?

After considering everything, you can say that music helps in understanding those things which can’t be said in words. For example, when we celebrate, we need music, when there is something sad, we need music. In general you can say that music helps in revealing the inner feelings of people, which can’t be said in words.

We learn reading and writing in order to communicate with others, the more we take in, and the more we can say what we need to say. The same is with music. The more we find out about music, the more we will have the capacity to say what we need to say in music. But that’s not enough, the more we find out about music, the more we will understand about what it intends to be human.

Is music essential for children?

Children have developing brains; they are like the wipes that drench up anything that is going. That implies youngsters are substantially more prepared to hear new things than grownups. Numerous grownups imagine that certain sorts of music not for youngsters. In the event that a grown-up has not heard a specific sort of music in youth, then they won’t ordinarily like that music as a grown-up. This implies they will overlook it. Then again, a child will simply take on new music so far another new involvement in their lives.

Common Mistakes When Getting Men’s Wedding Suits

ClothesShirtCuffWhen it comes to weddings, the bride takes all the attention with her long and luxurious gown. Apart from that, guests are also mesmerized with her wonderful hair style, makeup and accessories, leaving their soon-to-be-groom behind the spotlight. However, men should remember that they are part of this glorious event.

So, it is best for men to use a suit and wear their favorite perfume for their big day. Unfortunately, getting men’s wedding suits is not easy since there are certain issues that can affect your decision. In addition, men also experience mistakes in getting a suit. To help men find the best suit for their wedding, listed below are the common mistakes they must avoid.

Buying VS. Renting

Men have two options when it comes to getting a wedding suit, to buy or to rent one. As of now, renting a suit is one of the most popular options due to its price. But, there are certain drawbacks in renting. For one, men may not find the suit that they want. Next, no suit can fit them. And, some suits have damages, which can affect your looks. On the other hand, buying a suit can be expensive. But, owning a suit can provide you with better benefits such as getting the style you need and being able to wear a custom-fitted suit specifically for you. In case you insist in renting one, you need to carefully check the suit to avoid problems during your big day.

Choosing the wrong color combination

Another mistake men do when getting a suit is opting for the wrong color combination. Of course, there are numerous colours you can choose from. Thus, you need to have a keen eye and a little artistic perception to ensure that the colour of your suit, shirt and shoes will complement each other.

Getting the wrong size

Most of the time men use clothes that are comfortable to wear. Hence, men opt for loose clothing. But, this concept is not applicable when getting a suit since loose suit can be very unsightly. Therefore, you need to make sure that you look for the right fit to ensure that you will look amazing during your wedding.

Focusing on accessories

Men can also make use of different accessories to complement their suit such as ties, pocket squares and cuffs. Unfortunately, some men focus on these accessories which can surely affect the overall looks of their suit. So, it is best to make it simple and use accessories for that extra style.

Opting for outdated trends

Just like normal clothes, suit styles also come and go. So, it is important to ensure that your suit has an updated style to make your wedding look more appealing and stylish.

How Sadness and Loneliness Complement Joy and Contentedness

sadness-is-your-key-to-joyCHARACTER development is the goal of life. If we see this is the case then virtue learning becomes a goal in and of itself. Learning not of new knowledge. It’s about learning virtues that will carry us better through life, preparing us for what is beyond this life. This life is the learning ground for the next.

Joy is one of those virtues we need. To live a life of joy we must grapple with contentedness. Real joy is found in being content – no matter the circumstances. Joy is a pervasive quality. It becomes us. We hope we may exude joy.

In regards to sadness, loneliness plays the same part. When we are sad, we are really lonely. There is a gap in our being that just hungers for some joy. When we are lonely we are hopefully at truth with the sadness in our soul. Nobody likes being sad, but if we are able to be at truth with it then we are able to grow. Such growth is toward contentedness and a sustaining joy – again, notwithstanding the circumstances.

Joy grows in our contentedness when we can happily coexist with our sadness. And contentedness reflects the notion of acceptance – to accept the things we cannot change.

Maturity is approached when we accept the things we cannot change. There are just so many things we cannot change that we struggle to accept. One way to accept the things we cannot change is to dwell upon the truth of our sadness rather than complain.

It is far easier to complain, but the pride in complaint holds us back from approaching the truth in our sadness. Pride shields us from growth because pride cannot handle the truth. Pride results in a compromised joy where we cannot attain to contentedness.

***

Sadness and loneliness are keys to the truth of joy and contentedness because they abide in truth, and joy and contentedness cannot stand up unless they are experienced in truth.

We cannot fake joy and we cannot pretend we are content. We have joy or we don’t. We are content or we aren’t.

Sadness and loneliness are when they are. But we would prefer to pretend they weren’t there. But unless we can be truthful about sad and lonely times we cannot be truthful enough to enjoy the times we are joyful and content.

Better than pretending to be joyous and content is to experience the real thing. Ironically, it’s the courage to experience real sadness and loneliness that opens the way to joy and contentedness.

Joy and contentedness are experienced within the courage to enter the truth of sadness and loneliness.

No Restrictions Can Hinder You

wpid-2014-06-27-10-21-59You have the words to change a nation but you still bit your tongue. A creative person filled with talent of capable of singing a beautiful song. You are a driven creation who can own a firm. Your passion is like raging fire that can never be stopped but you still choose to hide it. Freedom is yours to fulfil your potential. What is stopping you, child of the Most High?

Imagine being limitless, nothing stopping you. Walking on a path without any boundaries or restrictions, being in a place of freedom to be whatever you wish. Do you believe you can live a life without any limits?

Nothing is impossible for you. No obstacle can hinder you. What can stand against if liberation is your word. There is no limitation when you let go of the past or things that were barriers to your path.

They say the sky is your limit but no one knows where it begins or ends. You can fulfil your purpose here on earth as long as you know you have no limits. He told you can you do all things as he strengthens you. Didn’t Your Creator say you resemble Him, the likeness of God? Nothing will be able to stop you as He will be with you. Don’t be afraid to follow the path that leads to you to greater things. You are the best.

What’s stopping you? When you become aware of your limitations, you will find ways of tackling them. You will able to fight any obstacles that appear in your way because you are able to identify them.

What do you say to taking chances? Yes, hardship, disappointments, frustrations will occur in life. Take action today by noticing your obstacles and break through them. Letting go of fear and negative thoughts that were planted in your mind will help you. Don’t be afraid.

Nothing will restrict the mind that has made up that it’s not going to be afraid. Imagine you could actually do anything. Doing what you love without opinions of people stopping you. Not your friends, family or enemies’ opinions stopping you. Do you believe, you can have a life without any limits?

Remember, death could not hold him down. Choose to be limitless. Life holds more than what you can perceive or get. Be yourself.

Do what you love without any barriers, obstacles or anything. Today is your day; choose to liberation. You are a warrior, no one can stop you.

How To Know Whether You’re Making The Right Decision

Right-Decision-Wrong-DecisionDecision making is by far one of my most popular topics. I’ve written a few articles before and they consistently receive a high volume of visitors.

So if you’re thinking you’re the only one who has a hard time making decisions, think again.

Making certain decisions is difficult at best. And the potential consequences associated with the wrong decision could be huge.

The types of decision women struggle with include:

1. Do I truly want to have children or is it just expected of me?
2. Should I speak up about the discrimination I face at work?
3. Am I with the right partner?
4. Which treatment path will yield the best result for my illness?
5. Do I really want to curb my money habits?

The problem with making difficult decisions is that it requires you to play around with unknown variables. And whenever unknowns are involved assumptions will be necessary and outcomes will be unpredictable.

The problem is that:

1. Uncertainty is everywhere, and
2. No difficult decision will ever be easy to make.

As such, you have to look for ways to “outsmart” difficult decision-making.

Since you can’t force life to offer you certainty, you have to change how you approach decision-making. Instead of asking whether you’re making the right decision, you’ll have to ask yourself the following:

Will I be able to live with my decision?

After a decision is made and acted on, the only thing left is to live with the consequence – good or bad.

To help you figure out the answer to the above question, consider the following:

1. If the worst case scenario comes out of my decision, will I be able to recover?
2. Will I persist if this decision doesn’t work out? (if you’re not willing to persist after the first defeat, you ought to think about whether this is truly worth it)
3. Am I too concerned about what other people think? And how would my decision change if I wasn’t worried about what others will think of me?

If you still find yourself wavering, then do some soul-searching to see how your decision will match other points in your life. Ask yourself:

1. Does my decision align with my values so that I don’t have to feel guilty or like I am letting myself down?

2. Is my decision based on my focus to escape from a nasty situation or on my focus to move towards a healthy goal? (when you focus on escaping you are more likely to be impulsive; when you focus on a goal your decision is based on careful thought)

3. Does this decision have the potential to lead me to my ultimate goal or could this be more of a reaction point? If this is not going to lead you to your overall goal, is it worth you energy?

All of these self-reflective enquiries are connected to the question “Will I be able to live with my decision?”

It’s impossible to know whether or not you are making the correct decision. The only thing you have to be sure of is that you will be able to move pas the consequences and try again. This is the only certainty that you need.

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